Poetry

All I can hear

August 2019

I had been betrayed.

My life was invaded.

Unsettled, upset

and scolded because of that

blamed for feeling, blamed for speaking

shamed for correcting the invader

down my throat condescending advice

I even apologized, because I’m that nice.

February 2020

I had been betrayed.

I had known for months.

Unbearably vulnerable

I needed to know more.

I wrote, I asked

I talked, I begged

yes, I begged

that who had betrayed me

that’s how much I cared

about that supposed friendship

I waited for months, begging again

but they couldn’t care less

if they were causing me pain.

Always

I’m worth an explanation

I’m deemed not worth a nod

I need fairness, expect evenness

and this is why I’m deemed odd.

What a fate

for the odd ones like me

invalidated, suffocated,

expected to feed everyone’s belief

that they accept everyone, and even care

about kindly teaching me how to be

and what I can or can not dare.

The odd one is always

the one who ends up paying

lonely, violated

blamed in mind games

everything is shooting arrows

“You’re a wrong being,

when wronged, you must let go”

but now, all I can hear

is myself thinking “no.”

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